National League of Junior Cotillions
Roanoke Valley Chapter
Blog
dress for success!
Dressing With Style And Confidence
As middle schoolers navigate their way through the exciting and transformative years of adolescence, one aspect that often takes center stage is fashion. Dressing age-appropriately not only allows them to express their personal style but also helps build confidence and respect for themselves and others. In this post, we will explore some tips and ideas for middle school age-appropriate dress, ensuring a balance.
1. Embrace Comfort and Individuality:
Middle school is a time for self-discovery, and it's important for students to feel comfortable in their clothing choices. Encourage them to embrace their individuality by choosing styles and colors that reflect their personality. Whether it's a graphic tee paired with jeans or a funky patterned dress, let them express themselves.
2. Mindful Lengths and Neatness:
It's essential to consider appropriate lengths. and to ensure that clothing is neat and well-maintained, which creates a polished appearance.
3. Modesty and Necklines:
Middle school is a time for self-expression but they should also be mindful of their choices, opting for collared shirts or polos for a more put-together look.
4. Dressing Up for Special Occasions:
As middle schoolers attend events such as dances or formal gatherings, it's important to guide them in choosing age-appropriate attire. For boys, a well-fitted suit or dress pants paired with a button-down shirt and tie can create a dashing look. Girls can opt for knee-length dresses or skirts and avoid overly mature styles.
5. Footwear and Accessories:
Encourage middle schoolers to choose footwear that is both stylish and comfortable. Sneakers, flats, or low-heeled shoes are suitable options that allow for easy movement. When it comes to accessories, less is often more. Encourage them to choose one or two simple accessories that complement their outfit without overwhelming it.
By encouraging students to embrace their individuality while still adhering to social norms, we can help them develop a sense of style and confidence. Fashion is a journey of self-discovery, and it's important to support and guide them along the way.
party planning
good info here:
https://porch.com/advice/party-safety-tips
Do Manners Matter in Business Q&A
https://www.forbes.com/sites/laurambrown/2019/05/14/do-manners-matter-in-business-qa-with-business-etiquette-expert-rosanne-j-thomas/?sh=4ce1bd3e5dcf
Spring Ball - March 17
Spring Ball 2024:
Students and chaperones are encouraged to dress their very best and come out and have fun at the dance! Attire is semi-formal with black tie optional.
Please give your children dinner at home before the ball. The party starts at six o'clock and ends at eight. The students do NOT bring their workbooks to the party.
Formal table setting
Forks, bread&butter plate on the LEFT
Knives, spoons, and water glass on the RIGHT
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks. . .
When we are shopping, taking care to remember our greetings and goodbyes when we are at the register is still important. Acknowledging the employees who assist you shows respect and consideration for them. “To do nothing that can offend the sensibilities of others, sums up the principle rules for conduct under all circumstances. . .” Emily Post
Thank you notes. essential info.
If the children in your life have been treated to holiday outings, surprises, gifts etc. it is necessary for them to acknowledge their benefactors with gratitude, whether by facetime, with a special auntie, by email to grandpa, a handwritten note to great Aunt Lila... somehow someway, it must be done.
See below for guidance from the Emily Post Institute on "the thank-you note": Giving thanks shouldn’t be a chore—and doesn’t have to be if you make the effort to keep it interesting.This is just a brief note, about three sentences, meant to express what you're grateful for. Be sure to say what you mean directly.
Use a salutation:
Dearest First name, Nickname, or Initials
1st sentence – Thank them explicitly for the specific gift or act for which you are writing the letter. I am so thankful/grateful for...
2nd Sentence – Personalize the note with an original thought about the things you are thanking for, the effort or thought behind it, what it means to you and the relationship.
3rd sentence - offer a concluding thought.
Use a closing: "All the best,"
happy new year!
A Heartfelt Thank You
For sending your children to Junior Cotillion, for setting a good example for them with honoring committments, practicing punctuality, offering mutual respect. The more we model to them the aspects of good character, the easier it will be for them to choose the right path when confronted with dilemmas.
None of this Charm School magic would have been possible without your help. As we enter the new year I want to extend my deepest gratitude to you, our incredible Cotillion members.
Your investment in your family and in our children… your commitment to the success of this program and your dedication to elevating consideration, respect and kindness in our society are truly commendable.
A Toast: let's raise a glass to our success, the beautiful relationships we've cultivated, the milestones we've achieved, and the gratitude we've shared throughout the holiday season. This toast is for you!
Looking Ahead: get ready for an even more exciting year ahead! In 2024, we have lined up new opportunities to help your students, your families, and our whole community thrive, flourish, and reach even greater heights.
Thank you for being an integral part of Junior Cotillion and for making a positive impact on this community. I wish you a fantastic start to the New Year!
Cheers to a wonderful 2023, and I can't wait to see you in 2024!
Holly Ball January 4th, Thursday evening
The 2023 HOLLY BALL was postponed til January 4, 2024.
Students are encouraged to dress their very best and come out and have fun at the dance!
Please give your children dinner at home before the ball.
The ball starts at six o'clock and ends at 8:30pm.
The students do NOT need to bring their workbooks to the party.
Attire is semi-formal with black tie optional.
honor, dignity and respect. #consideration #cotillion #values
Junior Cotillion: we act with honor, dignity and respect for our family, friends and business associates and practice social ballroom dancing.
We believe in directly teaching children courtesy and character in order to build confident, self-assured, and influential adults in our communities.
Our programs offer parents an opportunity to provide their school-aged children with the confidence of practicing life skills in a supportive and encouraging environment.
We include training in courtesy, character, social dance, and mannerly conduct. We believe manners will never go out of style and the skills we help children develop are the skills of a lifetime.
We want, more than anything, to teach the young people of of this community confidence, courtesy, and the social skills we believe necessary for success.
While cotillions, programs where children practiced social dance, were fairly common, in the 70's, the way in which NLJC approached the programs was quite unique.
Most programs at the time taught mainly dance, but we believe strongly in the importance of including courtesy, etiquette, and life skills as a major part of the curriculum. We employ a structured learning environment where every child should feel comfortable, safe, and successful.
Today’s NLJC was built on a foundation of respect, and courtesy. The National League of Junior Cotillions™ legacy lives on in each graduate who completes a first college interview with poise, confidently introduces himself to the date who may become his future spouse, or feels comfortable at a social gathering for the very first time.
Parents enroll children year after year and are thankful for the positive impact NLJC® has had on their children and family. This is an organization built in tradition, carried out by passionate people, and impacting generations of families in a positive way, in our journey to empower the youth of this (and future) generations to live a confident, purposeful, and successful life. For more information on becoming a part of the NLJC®, please request more information through our website.
2023-2024 season update
We are getting new students every day! This season, I can teach up to 100 students, between the two classes.
By Toni Garcia, Macaroni Kid
https://roanoke.macaronikid.com/articles/5a3fc4c79f0f1f1ed5727a5c/beyond-the-manners-teaching-our-kids-proper-etiquette-and-social-graces
You know those people that you come across every so often who take the time to hold the door open for someone more than 4 feet away... or those who take the extra moment to say "Hi, how are you?" before leading into their intent behind the text message? When a person displays these types of social graces, it's truly something to treasure. My mom and grandmother have always taught me (and still do, actually) to be sure to extend certain graces to others... and I wanted to take the time to share some with you. The best thing about this list is how easy it is to involve your children too!
1. Be a Proper Host Say "Hello" and offer to take your guest's jacket/handbag for them. Introduce people! Even if you think they've already met, always say, "Oh, you know Julie, my mom's cousin, right?" or whatever it may be. It's far better to re-introduce over and over than to put your guests in an uncomfortable situation. Offer drinks: coffee and tea or lemonade... even an icy cold glass of water on a hot day is very welcome refreshment! Check in with your guests, and offer to refill drinks, take empty plates, etc.
2. Always Send Thank You Notes. Take the time to get off of the screen and truly show your appreciation with a proper hand-written note.
3. Help Clean Up. No Matter What. Especially at family gatherings like Easter or Thanksgiving. Clear the table, do the dishes, put food away, etc.
4. Don't Overstay Your Welcome. If the person hosting you starts to get antsy, is checking the clock, or asks what your future plans are, etc... it's time to gather your things, pick up your mess, and hit the road!
5. Always Give Your Seat to an Older Adult. If they say no, get up and insist anyway.
6. Teach kids to pull out chairs and hold doors open. A gentleman holds open a car door for a lady...
7. Have Tact Maintain a strong sense of what not to say and what may offend others. Keep in good relations with all parties... as to "not ruffle any feathers," as some would say.
8. Respect the Privacy of Others Knocking before entering; not rummaging through others people's personal items, etc.
. .. remember that the true test in showing grace, is tolerating poor manners in others.
September 6, 2023
https://roanoke.macaronikid.com/articles/596e2db5112cf9384a71681d/why-the-nljc-is-important-for-your-child
September 1, 2023
Junior Cotillion is at the Shenandoah Club this year.
Mrs. Dilley's era
https://scholar.lib.vt.edu/VA-news/ROA-Times January 7, 1996
excerpt
MINDING THEIR MANNERS: JUNIOR COTILLION STUDENTS PUT WHAT THEY'VE LEARNED ABOUT ETIQUETTE AND DANCING INTO PRACTICE
Question: How many foxtrotting, punch-sloshing, corsage-wearing 6th-graders can fit into a ballroom?
Answer: A cotillion.
In Roanoke, that amounts to about 100 of them.
At least that's how many 6th graders showed up at this year's Holly Ball, the winter dance of the local Junior Cotillion. Now two years old, it's one of about 150 chapters in 25 states in the 16-year-old National League of Junior Cotillions.
The Roanoke Valley has two groups serving mostly Southwest Roanoke County and Salem. At the ball, the first-year students of both groups came together for the first time.
It's 6:30 p.m., three days before Christmas, and about 50 suited-and-tied boys, their right arms cocked like teapot handles, are escorting a like number of girls with done-up hair and dazzling dresses to seats in a vast circle of chairs in a ballroom at Hotel Roanoke.
This is a group on the cusp of the most dreadful of all ages: adolescence. These are the seemingly endless years of David-and-Goliath height disparities and near unbearable self-consciousness. Yet they've been studying ballroom dance steps and good manners for four months, and they're here to put what they've learned into practice.
As they sit in the huge circle, the kids eye the room for friends, familiar faces, someone to dance with - or to avoid.
Chaperones come around with a silver tray of dance cards. Dangling from red ribbons, the cards set the agenda for the night.
If the names of the dances seem unfamiliar - Jingle Bell Rock, Holly Ball Swing - the steps will not be. They are the same ones the cotillion have been practicing since September.
The kids may not realize it yet, but they have come along way since that first Tuesday evening, if not in skill, then certainly in confidence.
Night one. September 19.
Regardless of any prior offenses, when these 50 kids enter the ballroom at Hunting Hills Country Club, they automatically become ladies and gentlemen.
After greeting Donna Dilley, director of the Roanoke area cotillion and their etiquette and dancing teacher for the next year, each participant takes a seat on the perimeter of the room.
``Sit properly.'' Dilley tells them. Translation: boys sit up straight, feet flat on the floor in front of them, shoulders square. Girls sit up straight with legs crossed at the ankles.
It's an extremely orderly business.
The monthly dances are really highly structured classes, with Dilley functioning as a drill sergeant with manners.
She stands in the middle of the circle speaking softly into a cordless microphone that is linked to a karaoke machine manned by her husband, John Dilley.
At this first meeting, basics are the order of the evening.
``All name tags should be on your right side,'' Dilley says, launching a mass shifting of tags from left to right.
Next up: handshaking.
The students stand, greet and shake hands with the person on each side of themselves.
Cailan Garvin, 11, a student at Roanoke Catholic, sheepishly takes his right hand out of his pants pocket, shakes two hands and plunges it back in.
When it's time to dance, Dilley starts on the ground floor: rhythm.
With husband John spinning the music, she gets the kids tapping a foot and clapping hands in time with the music.
Next they move to closed position, which begins with the dreaded act of actually touching each other. Across a gulf of discomfort, each couple grasps hands tentatively, the way man probably approached fire the first time he saw it.
Anne Hagan is a volunteer chaperone tonight. Her son is Tom.
"That's him with the shirt that's too big," she said. A lanky redhead, Tom is slumping around like his tie weighs 100 pounds. "I know [he's] having a good time. He won't admit it."
Before the night is over, they are boxstepping, sometimes right on each other's toes, to the music of Hootie and the Blowfish and Journey.
Later, while waiting to leave, Melanie Blanding sums up her first night of cotillion:
"The boys are too short."
Practice for grown-up life
Donna Dilley founded the Roanoke area chapter of the National League of Junior Cotillions in 1994 after reading a magazine article called ``Can Business Use Better Manners?''
Before she knew it, she was at the organization's headquarters in Charlotte, N.C., going through four days of training to become a director.
Dilley grew up in rural Millers Creek, N.C., daughter of a veterinarian's assistant and a teacher's aide.
``I definitely know how it feels to go into a room and not feel comfortable not knowing what to do,'' she says.
She recalls a time in college when she was invited to a posh cocktail party.
``I was almost ready to throw up in the bathroom, I was so intimidated.''
That intimidation is at the heart of Dilley's - and the league's - mission. Dilley calls the cotillion ``practice for grown up life.''
``I don't want to be this Miss Etiquette,'' she says. She only wants to help these kids feel more comfortable in certain situations than she ever did.
But would sixth- and seventh-graders want to participate? It is, after all, an age group dominated by what psychologists have called the "imaginary audience" - the sensation that no matter where you are or what you are doing, someone is watching. Would they be willing to learn to dance in front of each other?
No problem.
The first year, Dilley had 90 students. This year, she has 210 and could have more, but the extra applicants are all girls and there must be an equal number of each gender. Dilley also works with a group of 40 high school students.
Each of her two main groups, which meet at Hunting Hills and Hidden Valley country clubs, are broken into first- and second-year classes. Students who missed the first year can attend both classes until they are caught up enough to attend only the second-year class.
Fees include eight months of activities. Dilley says she has yet to make a dime on her venture, though she hopes to break even this year. There's renting space and providing snacks for the monthly classes, and keeping up with the latest music. The national headquarters screens lyrics of Top 40 songs and sends out lists of approved music to area directors in 25 states.
Most of the kids are enrolled at their parents' bidding. Only a few have dropped out. Dilley says that's because parents have committed the kids to it. Parents tell her they try to teach etiquette at home, but it means more when it comes from someone else.
``They don't think Mom is so crazy for telling them to write thank-you notes,'' says Anne Currin, whose daughter, Trent, is in the Hunting Hills group.
Dilley sometimes fears, though, that she is creating little monsters.
``The kids go home and say, `Mrs. Dilley told me that you're supposed to blah, blah, blah.' And the parents are like, `Oh, really.'''
``I love cotillion,'' says Kelli Eagle, perching her hands on her hips. She and her twin sister, Jessi, are both enrolled. ``I think it's a wonderful chance to learn proper manners and dancing.''
``It teaches me so when I get older I won't embarrass myself,'' says Megan Robertson. ``Also, I think it is important for gentlemen to know etiquette and to know how to dance. I don't want them stepping on my feet every time I move.''
For all the specific dance steps and rules of etiquette, the chief benefit of cotillion seems to be the confidence it inspires.
Glenn McQuate says he's already noticed a change in his son, William.
``He's been approaching people and shaking their hands,'' he says. ``He's real into that, and he gets a lot of compliments on it.''
Some girls - and even a few boys, like Cailan Garvin - actually wanted to join the cotillion.
``I didn't know how to dance,'' he said.
What about the etiquette stuff?
``Uh, I didn't know that was coming.''
Step on my feet and die
It's October 2, class number two for the Hunting Hills group, and if the low roar of voices is any indication, the comfort level has increased significantly since the first meeting.
The kids are paired off to learn a dangerous-looking dance called the "foot-slap slide." One of the steps requires the partners to slap the bottoms of each other's feet together. Some dancers are kicking wildly. Cries of ``ouch'' rise above the laughter. ``Be gentle, don't kick too hard,'' admonishes Dilley. Most kids though, are enjoying themselves.
Kathy Batchler isn't surprised. Her son Adam actually recruited a girl from his neighborhood to go to cotillion with him...``With boys it's not cool to say you had a good time,'' she says. ``I mean, who you gonna confess that to?''
Dilley keeps partners together for only a few minutes. The girls stay in place, while the boys rotate around the circle.
Megan isn't taking any chances on all this switching: lookng sternly at her new partner, she lays out the ground rules: ``Step on my feet and die.''
Later, Dilley moves on to points of etiquette. She explains how gentlemen should rise with the ladies, and the ladies should say ``excuse me'' when they rise.
``How do you ask someone to dance?'' Dilley asks the class.
Eric Weissbart's hand shoots up: ``Would you like to dance?'' he says into the microphone. ``May you like to dance?'' he says quizically. ``Can you dance?''
Sitting strong and gracefully
Of the 250 kids in cotillion this year, only three are black. That does little to overcome the cotillion's image.
It's an image Dilley is fully aware of: overwhelmingly white, wealthy, elitist, sexist. She thinks the makeup of her classes is due to the makeup of the schools she serves: Cave Spring Junior High, Hidden Valley Junior High and Andrew Lewis Middle School. They find out about cotillion by word of mouth, since Dilley has no advertising budget. ``It's not that I want to exclude anyone,'' she says. ``If any parent calls and says they want their child in, I can usually work something out.''
Regardless of perceptions, Dilley says, many families are middle-class, many students are raised by single parents. She says she does what she can to correct cotillion's image and involve all kinds of kids.
Dilley is seeking grant money and corporate sponsorship for the league's Assemblies Program, which provides free instruction in etiquette for 9- through 12-year-old socio-economically disadvantaged kids. She has approached the Salem Kiwanis Club and other civic groups about sponsoring scholarships... all have turned her down.
Another ambitious plan is to set up cotillion groups in Roanoke's black and working-class neighborhoods. She says she's found a church in the Williamson Road area that will lend its fellowship hall so she can set up a group for students of Breckenridge and William Ruffner middle schools.
Even if Dilley does get a more diverse group of kids into cotillion, feminists may be on her back for re-enforcing what could be called outdated gender roles.
Alarm bells ring when Dilley when she teaches that gentlemen seat ladies and open doors for them. These are courtesies, Dilley says, not put-downs.
``Most women I know aren't accustomed to it,'' she says, ``but they appreciate it.'' Courtesy, she says, has nothing to do with gender. Thinking of other people first is what's at the heart of good manners.
The parents don't seem too concerned, anyway.
``There are some things that have to last forever,'' says Tom Blanding. Says Teresa Lanahan, ``My son opens the door for me!"
Dilley, who worked as a radiation therapist for several years before her daughters, Ursula, 6, and Natalie, 5, were born, says she doesn't want to hold any woman down from doing anything she wants, and she's not above making a few concessions to her critics. Dilley has stopped saying ladies should sit ``pretty.'' As of November, ladies should sit ``gracefully.''
After a few minutes at the Holly Ball, Joseph Harwell admits he's actually having a pretty good time: ``It's better than last time,'' he says, referring to the November class.
``First I was the shortest and she was the tallest and we had to dance,'' he rants, pointing to Michele Wilmer, ``and then we had to do that four-door sedan thing and my feet wouldn't touch the floor.''
That was Mrs. Dilley's demonstration of how a gentleman should help a lady into a car - in this case a car made up of four chairs in the middle of the dance floor.
Much of that third class was devoted to finer points of etiquette. At one point, Dilley held out her arms and posed as a revolving door.
``OK, who knows what the gentleman should do at a revolving door,'' she asked.
Daniel Payne's hand shot up the way it had every other time she asked a question. Dilley didn't call on him, but he had been studying, and it showed:
``If the door isn't moving,'' he said to the girl next to him, ``the gentleman enters first to set it in motion.'' Bingo!
Back at the Holly Ball, it's corsage time: 50 boys with shaky hands trying to attach the flowers to uneasy girls with pins that Cailan Garvin calls ``little swords.''
Eric Weissbart makes several awkward passes at pinning the flowers to Kelli Eagle's dress, but to no avail. He looks around helplessly, and finally, after Kelli calls out for help, a chaperone comes to the rescue. Ten scary minutes later, the corsages are on - and with no bloodshed.
Unlike at the monthly classes, members at the Holly Ball are allowed to dance in a group on a dance floor, instead of only in a line around the circle.
Here in the ballroom, they hide among themselves, seeking anonymity in the crowd, taking comfort in the fact that the person next to them can't swing or foxtrot any better than they can. They collide like bumper cars, laugh, and keep on going.
In the end, the winner's circle is shared by two couples: Lisa Parr and Justin Creasy with Miles Hopkins and Quincy Martin. Trent Currin and A.J. Nazemi took third.
At 9 p.m., Dilley dismisses the troops to make room for the second-year students. As he heads off the dance floor, Joseph Harwell looks a little relieved to be done with it all, at least for now. He has three more classes and a spring dance to go.
Is he lighter on his feet than he was in September? ``A little,'' he says.
Better manners? He looks off to one side and ponders the question. ``Maybe.''